Eps 36: Achieve your goals with the Be, Do, Have model

January 25, 2024

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If you have a love/ hate relationship with goal setting then let me introduce you to the powerful ‘Be, Do, Have’ model and how it can help you achieve your goals like no other method.

In this episode I explore the concept of ‘being’ and how it relates to taking action (‘doing’) and ultimately attaining what you desire (‘having’).

I am sure that you have heard of people who have won the lottery before like millions of dollars and it’s going to completely change their life.

Except when you talk to them in two years time, or even less, they’ve lost all their money. And that is because they were never a person who was actually ‘being’ a wealthy person.

They didn’t have any money habits. They certainly didn’t have the mindset or more importantly the understanding of how to ‘be’ a wealthy person.

So when they came into these millions, they squandered it.

If they’d applied the principles of the transformative Be, Do, Have model they have discovered, like you will, how it can reshape your path to success and the life you desire.

In this episode, you will learn:

  • Why the Be, Do, Have model is essential for achieving what you want in life
  • The reason why this model changes everything when it comes to goal setting
  • The benefits of the Be, Do, Have model and who it applies to best
  • Real life examples of when I’ve used this model to great success

Understanding the Be, Do, Have Model

So onwards and upwards into the Be, Do, Have model. I actually came across this way back in my late teens when I read the book, The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People by Stephen Covey.

And interestingly, I just read this book about a year and a half ago and realized back in my teens, I never finished the book, which surely was not one of the habits of highly effective people. Like surely habits of highly effective people or people who’ve finished things anyway, this time I did

And it’s such an amazing book. I can see why it’s like sold. 20 million plus copies. And in this book, he presented the be, do have concept to, well, you and I, so it’s been around for decades and it’s really straightforward.

Exploring the Be, Do, Have Framework

Essentially, if you want to aim for anything. Like any goal, or any intention that you have, you need to ask yourself the following three questions in this order.

  • Who do I need to be in order to accomplish this goal?
  • What do I need to do in order to accomplish this goal?
  • And what do I need to have in order to accomplish this goal?

And what I really like about this is that when you think about your normal goal-setting process, whatever that is for you, you usually like put something out there that you really like to do. I’d like to run a marathon in the next six months and do it in under three hours. Okay. But where, where in that goal? You have a, a thing that you want to do.

So you want to run the marathon. You want to have the feeling and the successful feeling, hopefully of running it in under three hours. Right. But where’s the BE in that, where is the person that you need to be in order to do that?

And that is where I think so many people go wrong because they will set this big juicy goal, but they haven’t yet realized that they are not the person yet that they need to be in order to do that.

Let me come back to one of the examples that I was talking about in my episode last week, which was all about energy in versus energy out in the magic that comes when you start to put your intentions towards how you want to show up to things.

And almost as if you are that person already doing it. And one of the things I talked about there was writing a book, right?

Writing a book is a big ass deal. If you make it one, otherwise it is the intention of turning up every day to write and simply be a writer. And it may sound really simple, but if you were to show up every day from tomorrow and write 500 words, you would actually in several months have written a book.

Sure. It may not be great. Sure, you may not understand the full game of what needs to go into writing a really great book, whether it’s a novel or a nonfiction, but the point is you can call yourself a writer because you’ve shown up every single day for the last six months and written.

And that is because you were becoming a writer in that process. And as a result of that, you wrote, so you did the thing and now you have a book.

That is very, very different from putting a lofty I’m on a New York times, bestseller on my list, putting it there for two years time, and then just literally not changing anything about who you are to make that happen because even if you had accountability and a book club, if you still don’t believe deep down that you are a writer and you are a person who writes, then it’s not going to happen for you, honestly.

And it took me a while to figure that out as well.

I mean, I’ve written three books now and I have more books to come. But again, when I was reading Steven Pressfield’s book, The War of Art. He was talking about how he took himself off to this cabin for months at a time and screwed up piece of paper after piece of paper from his typewriter.

Because he was just writing absolute crap. And then he realized he’d gone out there to think, you know, I’m gonna, be this. You know, amazing bestselling author.

And I’m going to write this book. But he actually wasn’t ready yet to call himself a writer somewhere deep down. He didn’t believe that. And when he just put everything else out of his mind and said, you know what? I am a writer.

That’s when he actually let the art and the creativity come out. And was able to write this incredible best-selling book and many more. So the reason why the Be, Do, Have really works as it influences your state of being the BE question definitely needs to be posed to you first.

And influence is based on who you are rather than what you have or do.

In short, this model urges you to lead by example and start to embody what you want others to do. It’s also a mindset. That’s really awesome. If you want big success and your goals. It’s not used very often.

The one that we almost always revert to is the, do have be in most cultures. Right. In other words, if we undertake (DO) such and such thing, we will enhance (HAVE) what we want. And so BE successful.

Applying the Be, Do, Have Model: Real-Life Examples

You hear it all the time. And someone’s like, when I have enough money, I’ll be able to do the things I’ve always wanted. And live the life I’ve always wanted to have.

But it doesn’t work like that. You get to be the person you want to be now. And in doing so. You will actually start to show up in that way and do the things that that person that you’re embodying would do. And eventually, you will have the things that you want.

So it will just take you so much further than any other approach. And it’s all about living by example and having radical self-responsibility.

  • Mentality #1: Victim

And most people will instead take one of these things as the way that they show up in life, they will be the victim. So they will be the one who never takes action. Because they don’t think they have what is needed to achieve their goals.

You will probably hear this from yourself every so often when you’re making up BS excuses.

Or you’ll hear it from your friends when they’re like, oh, well, I can’t do that yet because I just don’t have the skills or I can’t do that yet because I don’t have the money or I can’t do that yet because I don’t have the time.

So many excuses right there.

  • Mentality #2: Worker

Or you’ll find people who have the worker mentality, that someone who focuses on working all the time to achieve their goals. And they probably hit them, but they’re never satisfied with what they have.

That’s because they’ve been doing and having and not being, and in my mind, the winner mentality is the one that you really want.

It’s the be, do have mentality which focuses on being extraordinary to do and have extraordinary lives. And extraordinary, by the way, it’s just extra ordinary. It’s just a cut above the most ordinary you normally have.

So let’s roll into this a little bit more. If you’re in the victim mentality you, so you’re in the have, do be. That’s how you view things. You start with the, have followed with the do and probably never get to the be.

So I’ll do the things I’ve always wanted to do, and then I’ll be happy and successful when I have the time money and support.

I don’t yet, have the have, which is the issue. So I’m probably just not going to go ahead with this right.

And then if you, as a worker mentality, it’s do have be okay. The more I do the more have, and then I’ll be happier if I have more things. And the issue is that no matter how much. That person accomplishes there’s always more to accomplish and more to accomplish.

And then they get motivated, and they get busy and then they get exhausted and then they get burnt out.

And when I was rereading this in his book, I was like, oh my gosh, he was so right. That’s why so many supposedly successful people on the outside. Lead to burnout through how they’re doing things, because they’re sitting in goal after goal to, you know, do bigger and better things.

And they do that through a lot of hustle and grit and a lot of massive action taking and doing.

But you know, when you’ve achieved a big goal before. It’s like the actual. The feeling that you get after that is never as awesome as you think it could be. It’s like you see people summiting mount Kilimanjaro. And then they’re like, oh, that was a bit of a bummer or a down. I like, yes, epic. I trained all this time to get there.

And they usually missed the being of the person that they were becoming as they were training every day. And weren’t present to how many ways that was altering their life, hopefully for the better. And then they climb this mountain and it’s epic. And they’re like, oh my God, like, Now what?

And then they quickly set another big goal. And go onto the next thing. So they’re constantly chasing. Um, what they think is going to be this feeling of amazingness at the end of this goal, but it never is. Because they haven’t lead with the BE.

Who do I have to be to constantly show up, to have amazing goals or to summit every mountain in the world. Who do I have to be to inspire others to do that? And maybe go on their own adventures and climb those mountains and conquer them.

  • Mentality #3: Winner

The winner mentality is very very different than the doers and the havers. If you want to be in the BE mode. It’s not what I must have before I can begin nor is it that I must do. But who I must be. What sort of individual do I need to be to have access to the outcomes that I desire, what would I be doing if I were that kind of person?

And once you decide on what you want to become, the action needed to make it happen, comes much faster. And easily.

So in my mind, this approach, this model is the only way that you’re going to get and reach your ideal lifestyle.

And so it’s really suited, I mean, honestly, you can apply the be, do have to anyone at everybody, but it’s really suited if you’re a leader in an organization. It’s really great if you’re wanting to work on bettering yourself esteem.

It’s for you. If you want to have a more positive approach towards your life, because you’re constantly feeding yourself basics cases. And instead, you’d want to just start showing up as opposed to you want to be. And it’s for you. If you want to change your life, basically to be a more enriching one.

Could you imagine how if you were hanging out in this? Being off. Okay. I am a person who is abundant. I am a person who can attract the income that I want. I am a person who is in a loving relationship. I am loving. I am kind. I am not, I am successful. I am. I’m a bestselling novelist, then you show up very, very differently.

If you go to networking events, you’ll. Even if you’re an introvert, you’ll be there and you’ll. be like, I am here today to make somebody else’s. Life happier. I am here today to find that, you know, my dream clients through having beautiful conversations and adding value.

I am here today because I want to change people’s lives and they will sense that when they’re talking to you, because you, behaving in that way and you’ll be super attractive to those people, you won’t come across as salesy.

You’ll be they’re adding value. Starting intriguing conversations because you’re going in with that intention and acting in that way.

So let’s say you want to be a best selling novelist. First of all, you want to think about what kind of individual excels in this area.

And then you want to realize that, okay, most writers and authors that I see, they’re disciplined, they’re focused, they’re creative, innovative, and they’re enthusiastic about what they do. And more importantly, they usually turn up most days consistently to write.

So then you look at that and you go, okay, in order to become that person, that type of an author or writer, I’m going to strengthen my discipline by writing a specified number of words every day.

I’d say 500 is a great start. And there are numerous exercises that can help you focus and lots of people around who can help support you and instruct you on how to write a great book. Just that act alone of turning up every day to write, first thing in the morning, last thing at night, or whenever you’re most creative, you will actually visualize the life of you becoming person who takes these exact behaviors and makes it happen.

If you do this, you will be able to visualize the life of the individual that you’ve become who takes these exact behaviors and makes it happen, writes that book. You will have exactly what you want because you’ve already visualized and become the person you need to be in order to do that.

Let’s say you want to be a beauty influencer, right? You want to head out there on Instagram and you want to make people feel beautiful about themselves by enhancing their natural beauty, right?First off, you need to go and look at what does it mean to be an influencer in the beauty space and what do their lives look like and what are they doing?

And then you’d have to obviously show up as somebody who is living those values. So somebody who takes their appearance seriously, who understands the art of beauty from within and without, sorry, from withinside you and obviously externally.

You’d be turning up with your beauty routines and you’d be actually embodying somebody who works on becoming beautiful from the inside out.

And people would notice that and then you’d be reaching out on social and you’d be showing up as yourself, adding value, doing that and you’d establish yourself as somebody with authority and reliability in the field of beauty, right?

And once you do that, once you do those two steps, you look at what it actually is to be a beauty influencer, and then you work on yourself to become who you want to show up as, and live and breathe those values, then you will actually have what you want.

Your desire will have been fulfilled, because people will have noticed that, they’ll be following you, they’ll be turning up, they’ll be wanting to work with you, they’ll be wanting to buy from you, if that is what you do, if you offer services, and you’ll just, you’ll have everything you want. As a result, becoming the person you needed to be.

So, having is a byproduct of the first two steps, which are being and then doing. So you can’t just manifest who you want to be, stand around in your bedroom going I’m going to be an amazing relationship coach. You actually have to take the actions to do that as well, but you can definitely start by embodying it.

Benefits of the Be, Do, Have Approach

I just want to focus on the benefits of the Be Do Have model for you. First off, it will really help you shift your perspective, especially if you’ve been just stuck in a rut for a long time, or you’re a bit fed up with your way of thinking, or you catch yourself being negative, but you’re not actually changing anything around that.

This is a big mentality shift that will actually physically change you as well. It’s also a fantastic model if you want to stop making excuses. If you want to just literally start turning up as a person you want to be. And, it’s a fantastic teaching model because it shows you the best way to have all that you want is first to become someone who deserves it.

That is key. You need to believe that you deserve this and that you can be the person that you want to be.

If I look around at people that I admire, they’re the ones who have accomplished a lot and they’re actually happy. Because most people can do a lot and accomplish a lot, and then they think they’ll be happier. But the problem is their self-esteem is usually determined by how much work they put in.

I’ve definitely been like this in the past, like when I’m absolutely gunning at my work when the money’s coming in, when I’m feeling successful, that’s what I actually base my self-esteem on. That’s when I feel worthy. And when that goes away, or you get sick, or you change your direction and suddenly you have to start again, it can be really hard.

If you haven’t worked on becoming the person you want to be and believing in yourself and being happy no matter what you have or what you’re doing, it can be really hard not to get sucked down into this kind of deep, dark void of I’m not enough, I’m not good enough, I don’t have any skills, I’m starting over, it sucks.

And I had that for the longest time with the suitcase entrepreneur because it was my entire identity. So when I left that business behind, but as I was no longer traveling and it no longer felt like aligned for me to be fully coming from that place of, I am a suitcase entrepreneur.

I mean, I’m really glad I did that because it was, that’s very much who I am, a person of integrity.

And I was like, I can’t preach this stuff anymore. I can’t live and breathe it and model it because I’m not doing it anymore. But then I had this whole thing of, well, who am I if I’m not this suitcase entrepreneur?

It had become so much a part of me, and I had to like reinvent myself and come back to what makes me happy and what skills I have regardless of what identity I’m in and really rebuild a sense of who is Natalie.

So that every day now I get to turn up as myself, in my happy space, being present, focusing on what value I can add, how I can make an impact, what lights me up, what makes me happy, and act from that place.

And everything else comes to be, I get to do, and I get to have all the things that I want, and I know where I’m not getting that, I’m not showing up as that person that is deserving of that.

So I have work to do, too.

Integrating the Model into Goal-Setting Practices

I love how this model really shows you where you can actually show up for yourself more in life and have that radical self responsibility and start to get different results and actually hit those goals and feel happy because you already are that person.

And I remember when I think about training for my half Iron Man, or as I like to call it Iron Person, I had to become somebody who was disciplined, who would train every day, who wanted to swim, who wanted to run, who wanted to cycle.

And even on the days when I did not feel like doing any of those. I was still the person who was committed to moving my body and getting fit and pushing my boundaries. And it changed me mentally and on a physical level because I became a boundary pusher.

I pushed my body so hard during that training and, and those months and months, it was like 9 or 10 months leading to. The half Ironman, and I’d already been doing triathlon training for a year before that, and entering into these, smaller events.

And I realized that I was a triathlete, like I literally had to step into that identity of I am a triathlete, I am somebody who trains every day, I am a swimmer, I am a runner, I am a cyclist.

It was really fascinating and when I embodied that, everything else changed, like my mindset was one of, okay, cool, how can I improve these skills that I’ve got, how can I become a better triathlete, what do I need to work on with my nutrition, who do I need in my support camp, who’s going to help me hold me accountable when I’m not holding myself, which was very rare, but that’s because I’d stepped into being a triathlete, it’s awesome, and I’ve still got so much of that in me, just that commitment to becoming the best version of myself.

It actually becomes easier to do as you become. Once you become, you have essentially taken all the necessary steps you need in order to make your dreams come true. And also makes you capable of handling your dream as you want it. So when I crossed that finish line, as a half iron woman, I wasn’t really, oh man, is that it? I was like, awesome!

I did it. Like all this training worked. I’ve crossed this off my bucket list, and now I just get to keep on being and pushing my boundaries in other ways, in other exciting adventures and doing what I want to do. But I was so proud of myself because I had become a person who had committed to pushing my boundaries.

Does that make sense? Awesome. So, within LifePilot when we’re setting our annual goals, we don’t actually just set goals. We set be, do, have goals across the six areas of life. And I think That’s such a different way of showing up.

So, you know, quarterly goals, weekly goals, monthly goals, they can all be a thing that you want to achieve, but the annual goals that we set, really about the be, do and have, because that permeates the rest of your life and over the space of 12 months, you will see how much you change when you show up in that way..

Coaching and Support

So I would love for you to think about this model. I coach in this way with people. It’s one of the tools in my toolkit as a holistic life and business coach. If you would like to jump on a complimentary call with me for 30 minutes to get to the heart of what’s really holding you back or how you’re turning up and not necessarily getting what you want out of life and your career and your relationships.

And you’re wellness, whatever it may be, let’s have a chat because this is my jam and would love, love to be able to help you remove those blocks and to turn it to live your best life. Head across to lifepilot.co/coaching. You just book in a complimentary call with me. Absolutely. Let’s just have a chat.

And see if we’re a good fit for you and I to help you design and create your best life. You’re going to be doing most of the work, by the way. I’m going to be showing you how you can do that for yourself and become that person that you really need to be. Thank you so much for tuning in to the Life Pilot podcast.

This is episode 36. I’m also excited to say that I have some interviews coming onto the podcast this year and I can’t wait to release one of those very, very soon. Much love. Go live that awesome life.

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